On the Plane There

As SOON as you land, a random person in the airport is going to come up to you, ask you why you are here and then laugh in your face.

Week 1

During my first comedic improvisation class, they will tell me that this is the most boring activity that they've ever done in their life. The NGO's staff will then sit me down and calmly say "we were led astray; we have spoken to your Laidlaw contact and we all feel it's best if we cut your project short".

Week 2

WOW the teens seem to love the comedy program that I prepared for them—how much longer can I pretend to know what I'm doing?! I'll probably get caught soon.

Week 3

Getting a lot of positive feedback from teens, staff, and the centre's director. Can't compute due to it directly conflicting with internal critical monologue. Will keep monitoring and assess, but sometimes I feel really in my element and forget that I'm "supposed to" doubt myself.

Week 4

I put a lot of work into this and it's paying off. I prepared so much before coming here, and it's unfortunate that I didn't acknowledge that on the plane ride here. Why do I do this to myself? I'm just so curious—I'm not even mad about it anymore. I just want to know.

Week 5

WE'RE ALL KILLING IT—WOW! We have our final show next week and it's going to be epic. I've had to deal with so many curveballs that I feel immune to them now—bring it on, I honestly don't care. TRY ME.

Week 6

HOW DID I EVER DOUBT MYSELF SO MUCH WHY DO I DO THIS THIS MAKES NO SENSE PLEASE I NEED TO REMEMBER TO NOT DO THIS NEXT TIME WHAT A WASTE OF ENERGY I CAN DO HARD THINGS I CAN DO HARD THINGS I CAN DO HARD THINGS.

On the Plane Home

*OMG grad school applications are coming up...I'm going to apply and the admissions team will call me all offended and ask why am I here and then laugh in my face...

*Although there is a cyclical nature to my thought pattern, it always tends to subside and become less intense after positive experiences, such as my leadership-in-action project. Just a reminder that growth is not linear (it's actually closer to the circular squiggly lines that go up and down like a roller coaster), and that is completely ok! :)