If I’m not leading with love, then I don’t want to be a leader. If where I’m heading within my career isn’t something that people need, then maybe I don’t want to go there. All this time, I had longed to be a psychologist. With a Psychology and Neuroscience double-major, I wanted to study the biological intricacies of the brain and understand how it connects with consciousness and our emotions. But working with Youth Champs 4 Mental Health made me realise that while I spent so much of my time studying, I wasn’t paying attention to the people that had no means to learn about mental health, and those who weren’t from an environment where talking about mental health was accepted. 

While we were working with Lionel and Agu from Youth Champs, I could see the pure passion that motivates them to do this work, day in and day out. Lionel spoke with drive, hoping to get to the hearts of the Fijian people, so they would put down their prejudice of mental health issues. Agu led by her own example as a transwoman to elucidate the stigma around LGBTQ+ issues and spoke of the hurt that she’s gone through. They led by example to show what it means to be vulnerable, and at once, I felt that I was unqualified. 

While pursuing Psychology, I never asked myself what I had done this for. I know what my stable life path all entailed -- to get into a Master’s programme, then a PhD programme, then to practice psychotherapy and perhaps teach at universities as a Clinical Psychologist. But I was not vulnerable, not even to myself. I wasn’t driven to Clinical Psychology because I had a story, one that I wanted answers to or to change. I was driven just for the sake of “helping people”. 

But what does “helping people” really mean when I didn’t even know what the people needed? The people who were suffering didn’t need me to administer Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy so that they could feel better, because they don’t even believe that something’s wrong. They need support, someone to hear them out, they need governmental resources, sustainable ways to feel better so they can go on and live their lives. What if they don’t need a Clinical Psychologist? What if they don’t need the paper qualifications, the nice-sounding titles? What is the point of studying 7 more years, and being so engrossed in the academia bubble, when I could spend that time being with the people and listening to their stories? 

The mental health programmes sparked conversation in the village, about things that they had been struggling with, it opened a door to things I hadn’t noticed the 3 weeks that I was there. Na told me about children in the village who lost their parents to suicide, grandparents that became primary caregivers for their grandchildren, single parents that lost their partner to natural disasters. Ta explained how he lost his sister early on in life to suicide. These were real people, hurting and suffering, and more are added to the list every day. 

While chasing towards those qualifications, I distracted myself from what would really give me that qualification to help -- being with people. 4 years of theoretical experience has left me hungry, craving for a chance to be in society, regardless of how little I earn as a fresh Psychology graduate, and to learn from people. Working with Youth Champs and hearing stories inspired me to drop the craving to “seem qualified” and to just go out and make some impact.