I sat down in a packed cinema full of women and girls wearing pink and sipping rosé, excited to see the hyped up Barbie movie that had been released the day before. I did not expect to leave having an existential crisis about the female experience and the overwhelming need to hug my mother. 

Being the day after release, I hadn't yet had chance to see any commentary online about the plot or themes and looking back, I am so glad that I got to go in without the bias of TikTok reviews and also, that I went alone.  The experience was made so much more powerful that way. Reflecting on this fact, I find myself asking, was I really alone? On my right were two older women. During the credits, one of the women turned to the other and thanked her for taking her out for 2 hours away from chemotherapy and the anxiety of Stage Four cancer. The pure love, laughter and positivity between them was infectious. I find my mind drifting back to them in the quiet moments. On my left was a mother and her daughter, who grabbed her mum's hand halfway through and didn't let go, except for when she handed her a tissue mid America Ferrera's earthquake of a monologue.

The photo below is me with a Barbie birthday cake that my mum baked for me. One of my clearest memories from my childhood is of this birthday, all because of this cake. I recall seeing it and thinking that my mum was a genius for making the most beautiful cake I had ever seen (which yes, I had only had about 4 birthdays at this point, but you get the point). I had not thought about the impact that Barbie had on me as a child, but after watching the movie, I realised that little girl I thought I had left in my childhood home's loft with the dolls and princess dresses was still very much part of me. Barbie today represents so much more than happy little girls beaming at the camera, begging their mums to put on the Barbie Pegasus movie for the 100th time. It perfectly captures the moment we realise the little boys we played with at school are now men that we can't trust but must exist for. The first time a man shouts disgusting comments about your body out of a car window and you swallow the shame, smiling back so as to not provoke them further. The first time you fall out with your friends because a boy has gotten between you. The first time you walk alone in the dark and subconsciously grip your keys a little tighter. The first time you look in the mirror and notice the stretch marks your boyfriend pointed out the night before. The moment you smother that little girl and lock her away in a padded room in your mind so she can't see and feel the first time a man treats you like an object. It represents the profound connection between everyone who grew up as a girl in their world.

Emotionally, I have not yet fully processed what this movie means to me. I had not felt homesick at all in my first few weeks here, until I had the honour of witnessing these moments and wished I could grab my own mother and be that innocent little girl in her lap again, for just a minute. Across the darkened room, it was like I could visualise glowing bubbles of light around loved ones experiencing the movie just like I was that extended throughout our shared space. So, in answer to my previous question. I was not alone. I am not alone. In so many ways than just physically in that cinema. Isn't that just so true about the female experience? We take for granted that we are all here in this time together. Shared experience is so key to realising the privilege we have in our connection to all women, despite how complex and unique every one of the little girls inside us are.  

This has become so evident to me in my time at Two Good. The concept of sitting around a table and all just being together, even for 20 minutes, over a plate of home cooked food is so crucial to the self-esteem and day to day lives of the women they employ. Despite the extensive life experiences they have been through, that seat at the table is a metaphor for their place in the world. For the women who get the opportunity to work on the program, that seat and their worthiness of it is often unfathomable to them when they arrive for their first day. One of the reasons so many of the Two Good staff say they love their job is getting to see the journey to the women grabbing that chair and saying "I deserve this seat, and I owe it to myself to let everyone know I am worthy and capable of doing my job". That is why Two Good is so successful. The shared experience allows the women to think about their futures, often for the first time in 10 years or more. The love between the women that I get to witness every day in the kitchen is not unlike that of the mother and daughter, or the two friends making the most of the time they have together. It might have taken them longer to get there, but the power of women coming together for themselves is genuinely one of the most important things I have ever had the absolute joy of confronting. 

This week, I started interviews with the employees here as part of my project and love and respect has been a major theme throughout. One of the quotes that really stuck out to me was about how other people treat you and the way that impacts on your own self worth. 

"Just little behaviours ... it can be a really dehumanising thing to know that somebody sees you as being less."

I think that just sums up how important it is to have a level of compassion and understanding in everything you do, even if it's as small as taking the time to properly thank the women serving you coffee in the Two Good Cafe. I am looking forward to getting to speak to more of the women in the next week and make a start on the analysis side of this report. I expect it will be an emotional week, but so rewarding. 

Finally, I would like to point out how proud I am of myself for getting through the first half of my LIA. Even though I do feel a bit silly to feel that way, especially since I have so much awareness now of the issues faced by women in crisis, I know it is a luxury. If I am to expect the women here to answer the questions, I must also be prepared to do so. I am proud to be a woman solo travelling and trying to help incredible social enterprises like Two Good to make a positive change in a local community. I am proud of learning to exist with myself. I am proud to have an incredible mother who shows me an example of strength, love and dedication every day. But mostly, I hope that little girl who dreamt of flying through the clouds on the back of a purple sparkly pegasus is proud of the woman we are, and together, we can be proud of the woman we have yet to meet. 

P.S. Go and see Barbie. And take your mum with you. 

Please check out @TwoGoodCo on Instagram/their website for more on the incredible work they do in Sydney.