On unsteady feet and wobbly legs I embarked on my summer 1 journey. I’d been looking forward to the doing aspect of my research throughout exam season and had been using it routinely as motivation. However, when the time came to actually start I felt an intense sense of imposter syndrome. It had felt quite safe and secure simply fantasizing about carrying out a project but I found myself not wanting to spoil the fantasy by bringing it into reality where I risked making mistakes and messing up this golden opportunity. After all, who was I to go to a high tech lab, to use instruments that cost more than my life, to converse with PhD and Master level students, to write up reports and make posters? I’d never studied a science at even a Leaving Cert level and I thought I would be in way over my head. I’d had meetings with my wonderful supervisor, Dr. Juan Diego Rodriguez-Blanco (the most patient, caring and compassionate mentor anyone could imagine), to discuss our action plan which consisted of him explaining in great detail what we would aim to achieve while I would smile and nod and panic internally, thinking this should be somebody else’s chance. Somebody more intelligent and capable, definitely not me. 

The day finally arrived when I had to bite the bullet and go for it. Nervous and fearful I walked into the lab and was delighted to be greeted by the most enthusiastic and helpful people. My supervisor and his other students were just as interested in my research project as I was, if not more! I quickly gained friends and never felt less than or disregarded. I wasn’t left to fend for myself but my hand wasn’t held every step of the way either. There was a great balance between support and independence. 

Reflecting purely on my research and findings, remarkably everything went incredibly smoothly which I know is rare. I’m putting it down to having such wonderful advisors. That's not to say experiments weren’t rerun and solutions weren’t mixed up. Some reactions didn’t behave as they should have but I never felt as though it wasn’t going to plan. To quote my supervisor “It is still telling us a story even if the results are not what we thought”. The way he framed it was that this is valuable data obtained whether it goes as expected or otherwise, “we are entitled to our mistakes”. 

As my research continued I became more comfortable asking questions, doing calculations and mixing solutions. I got to participate in fellow researchers projects and see how they approached similar techniques to mine differently to achieve their results. I even had the opportunity to extend and branch out my research to co-author a paper!

I wish I could say my self-doubt and fear of failure disappeared as soon as I got elbow deep in the research but that would not be the truth. Even writing up this post I struggled to find the motivation and then added the pressure of trying to write something that others would enjoy reading. What I have learned is that it's worth doing it scared, do it despite not a single part of you believing you can do it, make the mistakes and the muck-ups, write a terrible report, do it because it's all part of the experience. This programme is not about getting the top marks or ground-breaking research. It's about having an opportunity to try new things, have incredible experiences and learn different skills. Everyone is going to appear more organized and on top of their project than you. You might feel as though you can’t keep up, you’re not on the same level or your project isn’t as meaningful and these could be true but do it anyway because it's all part of the experience. A saying that stuck with me this summer is, “Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.” It may sound counterintuitive, but consider something as simple as brushing your teeth. Even if you only brush for one minute instead of two, it’s better than not brushing at all. Sometimes, that one minute leads to more. Releasing the pressure to do everything perfectly has allowed me to actually get up and try, and in trying, I’ve found that I learn the most.