This summer I had the wonderful experience of working with a Spanish charity, Fundacion Iniciativa Social, in one of their programmes devoted to providing support and care for children from disadvantaged backgrounds in the city of Valencia. 

I was working with kids, from ages five to twelve, many of them coming from difficult situations at home. Kids are quite observant. It's not just what you say, or even just how you say it, but what you do and your body language. They can be more sensitive than adults, meaning how you speak to them needs to be more fine tuned. Moreover, it requires plenty of patience to work with kids, but this took an extra dose of staying cool, since some kids lashed out or had trouble expressing themselves in constructive, healthy ways. It was extra important to be aware of body language, to listen well, and to communicate myself in such a way that they'd be receptive to me. 

The more they like you, and trust you, the more they’ll cooperate with you and talk to you. The single best way of doing this, in my experience, was getting to know them. So I prioritized learning their names, as soon as possible - by the end of the first week I had most of the 40-ish names down. The change in behaviour before and after was apparent: the kids noticed the effort I was making to actually learn about them, to know them individually, and started warming up to me. Building that rapport is important for a myriad of reasons, and a crucial one is that they’d come to me with problems, instead of trying to resolve them themselves (often meaning confrontations with other kids, or bottling things up in frustration). I would then be able to resolve conflicts, leading by example, demonstrating the importance of dialogue to solve issues.

Children can be difficult sometimes, especially between ages 3-5, but so can humans of any age. In this case, I was closing the gym, and B ran in, because she really liked the gym. I tried coaxing her out, directing her to the next activity, and she refused. The more I tried to get her to leave, the more frustrated I became, and my friendly overtures turned more combative (ie. warning her of the consequences of misbehaving). I then said okay B, I’ll sit with you in the corner of this gym, both of us doing nothing, until you leave (as she couldn’t stay here unsupervised, and seemed set on ignoring me). Aleksandra, a fellow volunteer, then stepped in, hugging B, and speaking to B cheerily, holding her hand and saying that they had to get to the next activity, gently leading her out of the gym while smiling and chatting to B. Aleksandra did not tell B to leave, did not say she had to leave, said nothing about misbehaviour - rather she showered B with affection and guided her to the next activity. B probably didn't even notice that Aleksandra was also aiming to get her out of the gym. I closed the gym, and Aleksandra then returned, gave me a sympathetic smile and told me that B and I both had strong characters (a kind way of saying I can be quite stubborn), but that butting heads like that wouldn’t lead anywhere. 

Leadership involves a lot of knowing when to be persistent, and knowing when to give way, be the bigger person, and focus on the bigger picture. B gave me a healthy dose of humility by completely ignoring me, and Aleksandra’s advice reminded me that sometimes you need to swallow your pride to lead and cooperate effectively. 

I'll briefly go over a few outcomes for the kids, as opposed to me: Children who kept to themselves and wouldn't speak a word, ended up making friends by the end and opening up to the volunteers.  A few kids learned how to swim in this programme, one of them from my group, which was an incredibly rewarding thing to see. However, my most treasured memories are the deep discussions I had with older kids regarding the importance of self-discipline, communication for conflict resolution, and forgiveness, things they seemed to take to heart.