As my time at Laidlaw comes to an end, I've reflected on what it has truly meant to me. 

At the core of it – leadership remains to me as a people-centred activity. I have always recognised the role of empathy in leadership, but over these two years, my faith in the importance of the ‘small things’ have been reinforced. Leadership now looks like a conversation, a mentorship, a way of greeting others. Through the interviews I held over the summer and the lunch breaks I had during my first LiA, I have an unshakeable belief in my power to affect change in my everyday interactions. Two years ago, I may have been slightly disillusioned by the weight of institutions I thought were racist, islamophobic or exclusionary in any other way. Now, I see the world as it is – both the good and the bad. It relates to my present notion of leadership through a calmer sensibility I possess regarding the future. That is to say, my optimism has been grounded in reality, and my pessimism does not colour my hope for the future. With this balance, leadership is no longer an abstract concept to me, or something that is only felt and experienced in hindsight. It is a way of carrying oneself, of believing in a world you’d like to live in ; leadership is the confidence in yourself and the good of others. If I were to be frank, arriving at this conclusion after the opportunity to engage with the world in all its horrors and joys gives me the assurance that nothing is ever black or white. Living in the grey may bring uncertainty, but if you choose to, that uncertainty can instead be possibility. The choice to believe and act on the basis of that, is leadership to me.

Looking inwards, how have I developed as a leader? An uncomfortable truth is that my practice of leadership used to be influence by a sliver of insecurity. I felt the need to establish my role in tasks so that I may get credit for the work that I’ve done. While that may be fair by some accounts, it reflected a more unsettling truth: that I perhaps saw leadership as a transactional activity. Working with teammates and colleagues who were as uplifting as they were conscious of their efforts has loosened the grip of this insecurity on me. Being surrounded by people who pulled their own weight and were communicative regarding their temporary limits at times meant that when the work was done – nobody was more responsible for a success or failure than someone else. I found myself less focused on credit, or the desire to be seen by others as a ‘leader’ in the traditional sense of the word. Leadership was no longer dictated by hierarchy or a significant disproportion of competence in a group.

Essentially, once I realised that the heart of my previous leadership resided within my ego, I was able to let go of that. Releasing my desire to be seen and applauded was, like I mentioned, an uncomfortable thing to confront. Yet, I felt safe enough to do so amongst people who displayed their leadership in extending that compassion to me. Through seeing myself as part of a larger collective, my leadership has become sincere. It changes the way that I feel about the work I do, the way I see myself in the world, and the way I understand others.

All in all, this progamme’s influence on my life will extend beyond the limits of its two years. My LiA project at WONDER gave me a mentor whose advice I hang on to every few months or so over a plate of rice and thai curry whenever I doubt myself. It has given me a network of people who I can learn from, speak to, and work with. It has, quite simply, changed the trajectory of my life in London. I would never have had the confidence to run for Vice President of my school’s international relations society, or applied to a Master’s Program, or host a Diplomatic Summit if it weren’t for the assurance and gentle pushes of my former supervisor, Faith Mwangi. The relationships I made at WONDER truly mean something to me – personally, and secondarily, professionally. It changed the way I see the workforce, and the way I have imagined my life to be. Truly, it has given me a headstart into the ways in which I can succeed in all the ways I have hoped to be.

My summer in Europe meant something else entirely ; it illuminated to me the easiness of cruelty and compassion for those we deem vulnerable. It realised the stories we hear over the news in front of my eyes. The way irregular migrants are treated, the way history shapes our very lives, the way narratives determine whether or not an individual gets to be sheltered on the basis of their skin colour. I will never forget the stories I have heard, and the fine, fragile line between atrocity and stories of our shared humanity will always stick with me as I stand at the junction of crossroads of my life. It will, I believe, influence the path I take and the choices I make. I recognise my power for the good and bad it can bring. For bringing me to the forefront of these realisations alone, I have been shaped by these 2 years in ways I never expected, but will always be grateful for.

Finally, beyond anything, Laidlaw has given me some of the best friends I have made in LSE. People I have cried with, laughed with over the carpets in my living room and cups of coffee, people I will miss, people I call through the night, and people who I love and love and love. Leadership, professionalism, research and the such means a lot to me, yes ; but these friendships which I hope to nurture for the rest of my life are by every measure possible, the most valuable souvenir of my time in Laidlaw. :)