In spite of a slow start, this week has been a brilliant one, albeit very different to what I had expected. The school had originally planned to move to a new site this week, changing the home and place of study for staff and students after five years, but this move has been pushed back two weeks after some issues with customs. While this created a little bit of stress for me regarding where I was meant to stay in the meantime, this was quickly resolved by the school, and I essentially gained another week without lessons to explore Kigali. 

Having only just really recovered from my latest bout of illness on Monday, Tuesday provided a unique test of my resolve, which I am still not really sure how I got through. I only received the test papers the girls had completed on the morning of the Tuesday, and these had to be fully marked, analysed, and uploaded by 10am on Wednesday, as there was a significant meeting to decide what grade level the students should be placed in. As someone very inexperienced in teaching and marking, I realised I had a major issue when after 3 straight hours of marking I was only 1/6th of the way through. I adapted and majorly streamlined my marking process, but my entire day was admittedly spent just brute forcing my way through a huge stack of (outrageously) long test papers. I honestly did think I was going to give up, explode, or both, but thanks to 2 intermissions (to eat and to call my family), I was able to wrap this procedure up at 2:30am, freeing myself to sleep. At the meeting the next day, I met the new school principal who was very lovely, and asked me to tell her about myself, which is a big question, and one that I realised I hadn't been asked in a long while - strange given I love asking it about other people. I just started talking, and in doing so I began to smile, as I verbally explored who it is I think I am, and what it is I want to do. I discussed my love and interest for the world, how I want to do good and be good, how I need to get away from the UK and live the world around me. I spoke about my degree and why I love it, and how I don't yet have a plan for what it is I want to do, but that I am starting to learn the kind of person I want to be. This was all very well received, and she told me how popular I had been with the students, which is always really heartwarming to hear, and encouraged me to keep exploring and never get stuck in the routines which I feel so afraid of. That is one thing about the school that I am so appreciative of - the staff and the students have all experienced such different lives to me, but everyone has experience of living and working in different countries, so we have many interesting chats about culture and experiences in different parts of the world. 

On the next day, following a long meeting where all had been sorted, and the girls allocated an appropriate grade level, the week began to really turn around for the better. I messaged one of my fellow volunteers, Z, who I have grown quite close friends with, to see if she would like to join me on an expedition into the car-free district of the city which ended up being a hilarious trip. We visited a lot of very nice little shops, but also discovered a pool table and a table football table, neither of which she had seen before in Afghanistan, so I was teaching her how to play both which ended up being really funny. Following that, we just kept wandering around, discovering new places that seemed very surreal, like an almost-empty space that appeared to be a large shopping mall, but only contained rogue businesses like a million foreign exchanges and opticians? There was also a lot of drama with her special coffee order, which took 15  minutes to make, but then tasted really strong to the point she was fighting to keep a straight face and gave it back. At this point, the wind kicked up and knocked over some mannequins outside which completely caught me off guard seeing limbs flying all over the floor, and then it began to rain. That was a lovely relief, as I had only experienced some super light drizzle on one day during my time in Kigali, but the temperature had dropped a few degrees and I very much enjoyed the rain on my skin. My evening that night was fully spent on the school site, playing badminton, football, and chess with the girls.

Those evenings and days where I am in no rush, and have no obligation to be anywhere, I love to spend my time just hanging around on the school site. Students will come and ask to talk to me about things in the UK and Oxford, or questions about myself generally, or even just about maths. At the same time, there is always so much to do - there will be a football game going on for hours and hours every night, with people coming and going, and I very much do the same. There is always a lot of convincing to try to get 'Mr Albert' on their team, and I alternate between letting the game progress and eventually caving to pressure from my team to go on a big dribble through the other team, which results in hilarity as the defenders start tripping over each other. I have learnt and been taught the word 'layi' pronounced 'loy-yee' for a nutmeg, where you kick the ball through the defenders legs, and every time that happens everyone very excitedly shouts this out, which I find hilarious. I went on a crazy triple layi run before scoring a rabona the other day, which was very well received. I then left the game to play some chess against a girl who had spoken in assembly about her love for the game, playing 2 matches with her, and 1 against someone else, starting with a very intense game (an exchange Caro-Kann) where I ended up winning with a nice knight fork. I have also been solving jigsaw puzzles and playing card games at the table in the evening, just spending my free time with the students and feeling so uniquely happy. It very much feels like I am where I am supposed to be - occupied with a lot of activities (which is an absolute must for me - I always need something to do) and with really passionate and excitable students who learn a lot from me, while teaching me a lot at the same time. While this was mostly concerned about my time on the Wednesday, this has been the general theme of the whole week, and indeed the whole time that I have been healthy at the site - even though I am not technically 'on duty', I have been spending my free time out of my room, out in the open air doing activities off my phone, which brings such a sustained childlike sense of relief and pure happiness that I feel I have missed since my lunchtimes at school playing football. 

On Thursday there was an organised volleyball game at the school, where I was taught how to play by the students and Z, and performed quite well for a new sport for me. Admittedly I was better when kicking the ball rather than using my forearms, which continue to be quite sore, and I was called out by the referee for a foot fault on my serve which was quite a depressing mistake to make. After winning the game, and playing for about an hour casually afterwards, a student challenged me to a game of HORSE at basketball which was very funny as I was well beaten. One of the security guards had invited Z and me to come visit his house and to meet his family, so I was dragged away from the basketball court for the 45 minute walk to his gaff. That was a really incredible experience, travelling through one of the poorer districts of Kigali, but seeing the profound sense of community, being greeted by many strangers during the walk, and feeling so welcome in a completely unfamiliar place. We were kindly given a fanta each, and showed photos of his wedding, meeting his wife and small baby, as well as some other children of the neighbourhood who were friends and very lovely too. The sense of pure happiness to welcome us to their humble home and share their lives with us, as we did the same was incredibly striking to me, and an experience that I feel so grateful for and will not soon forget. The walk back to the school felt a lot longer as it was mostly uphill, but we witnessed night fall during the walk back, which happens very quickly here as the country is close to the equator, giving rise to a lovely sunset view over the hills. When back at the school, an evening of games and funny conversations ensued.

Friday involved a moto ride to Question Coffee - a really nice place where the coffee is grown by women farmers, and tastes amazing, to have a nice breakfast and do some readings towards my dissertation. I feel very grateful to have made a close friend in Z, which makes it a lot easier to get out and go to new places, knowing I will not always be going alone. In the evening, we went to the track with the girls, walking 5 kilometres through central Kigali and enjoying the hilly views and evening lights. Saturday during the day we went with the girls to a used bookshop, which was a lovely place where I picked up some novels on local history to read. On both Friday and Saturday I spent the evening walking through Kigali, getting a snack and a drink with Z on Friday, and on Saturday I went with one of the dorm parents, and another staff member as well, walking and talking. I feel so appreciative of the opportunities to share about our cultures and experiences, and I have learnt so much about both Afghanistan and Rwanda during my time here - an incredible experience that I feel so lucky to be privileged enough to have the chance to do so. 

Overall, given I have not had any responsibilities other than the one day marking the tests and the morning of meetings, my leadership has not been challenged outside of that context, and the focus of this week has been friendship, genuine happiness, and gratefulness. I continue to be living proud of who I am and thankful for where I am and what I am able to do. A lot of these emotions feel quite new to be so sustained and so profound, yet they feel natural and as if this is how I always should have been feeling. It is hard to understand what it was that I was not getting before, and what it is that I am getting now, but I do really feel as though I am discovering who I want to be and how I want to live. I never expected I would feel like that and have learnt so much about myself in such a short amount of time, it felt like a cliché that would not happen to someone like me. However, I always knew I had to get away from it all back home, and I have finally been able to, and I finally feel like myself again - I am Albert and I think I am starting to understand who that is and what that entails, and really beginning to love that about myself, as I find love in all of the things around me. I have spent a substantial amount of time upset in my life and struggling in my own head with the world and who it is I am, but I am starting to make sense of it all through this experience of leaving my routines to do good. This is who I am and who I want to be. I think there is still the challenge of wanting validation and some form of acknowledgement that I am making the right decisions and that I am doing the right things, but that becomes easier as I become more confident that I am, above all else, happy and proud. 

Much love to everyone reading this,

Albert