Frankie Fierro

faf2128@barnard.edu

Laidlaw Undergraduate Leadership and Research Program

Summer 1 - Research Project Abstract

Who Is the American-born Tiger Mother? Resisting the Narrative of Generational Decline 

and the “Bamboo Ceiling” 

Problem: 

Amy Chua’s 2011 memoir, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”, introduced the term “tiger mother” into popular culture and ignited a fiery debate around her disciplinarian “Chinese” parenting style. The novel makes a clear distinction between “Chinese” and “Western” parenting styles, which Chua often uses as stand-ins for “strict” and “lenient” approaches.  Chua, daughter of Chinese immigrants, sees “Chinese parenting” as emphasizing discipline, hard work and excellence and the strategy behind her  daughters’ academic and musical success. This is a stark contrast to “Western parenting”, which focuses on a child’s self esteem, individuality and freedom of expression– a detriment, according to Chua. She asserts at the beginning of the novel that the phrases “Chinese” and “Western” refer more to mentalities than ethnic or national identities, but does little to reinforce her claim throughout. 

Though “Battle Hymn” contains satirical elements where Chua uses self-deprecatory language, her portrayal of Chinese (and often by extension, other immigrant Asian) parents is harmful. The novel targets a broad parental audience curious about the “secret” to raising high-achieving children, and Chua relies on sensational anecdotes that aim to answer this question in a digestible manner. In her quest to do so, she often relies on making broad generalizations, such as her notion of “generational decline” that depicts a gradual laziness and lessening of filial respect within Chinese immigrant families. “One of my greatest fears is family decline,” she writes. “There’s an old Chinese saying that ‘prosperity can never last for three generations.’... From the moment Sophia was born and I looked into her cute and knowing face, I was determined not to let it happen to her, not to raise a soft, entitled child—not to let my family fall… Classical music was the opposite of decline, the opposite of laziness, vulgarity, and spoiledness” (Chua, 2011). 

The sensational tone throughout the novel, combined with Chua’s reliance on generalizing language, portrays Asian parents as a monolithic entity that fits into a model minority myth and leaves little room for nuance. Does each progressing generation of children in the U.S. really risk “family decline”? 

Another problem with “Battle Hymn” is that Chua does not explicitly define what a “tiger mother” is but instead offers examples of her ultra-strict, demanding and at times cruel parenting decisions to inform her audience. For Chua, being a tiger mother produced highly skilled daughters (specifically with the violin and piano, and their musical journey constitutes most of the novel.) By operating under a narrow scope of “strict Chinese parenting yields exceptional children”, Chua does not address other objectives of the tiger mother model. Once the children of tiger mothers are established to be “math whizzes and music prodigies”––and have secured a spot at an Ivy League school––what is next for them? “Battle Hymn” is about raising children “the Chinese way”, and is quiet on what comes after the child’s formative years: is “success” contained to straight-A report cards and getting into Juilliard Pre-College? “Battle Hymn” seems to suggest so. 

This academics-centric and culturally Asian parenting approach is relevant when thinking about the “bamboo ceiling”, a term popularized by Jane Hyun’s 2005 novel “Breaking the Glass Ceiling: Career Strategies for Asians.” “Bamboo ceiling” refers to the barriers Asian Americans face with attaining leadership positions in the corporate world despite being more highly educated than other racial categories. Central to understanding this disparity, Hyun argues, is “Asian cultural influence” which includes “Confucian influence which is categorzied by filial piety, the importance of family, respect for authority, communal decision making, the priority of duty over personal rights and suppression of feelings” (Hyun, 2005). 

Argument: 

This research project aims to answer the following questions:

1. First, identifying  the American-born Asian mother. Is she a tiger mother? Why or why not? What is their perceived connotation of a tiger mother?
2. What is behind Chua’s proposed “generational decline” trend in Chinese immigrant families, with each successive generation in the U.S becoming more spoiled, lazy, and disrespectful?
3. How does being a tiger mother (or generally, an American-born Asian parent) interact with Jane Hyun’s concept of the “bamboo ceiling”?
4. What is the long-term  goal of the American-born Asian mother? What kind of child are they trying to raise? 

Approach to Research: 

I am conducting phenomenological research by interviewing American-born Asian mothers about their parenting style, and whether they identify as a “tiger mother” or not. So far, I have interviewed two mothers: Dr. Kristin Jhamb and Joyce Koh. A brief summary and some highlights are below: 

Dr. Kristin Jhamb, 56, half Indian and half Caucasian

• How would you describe a tiger mother? “I see tiger mom as being rigid. Strict, almost bordering on angry love as opposed to warm, nurturing love. I see it as being very competitive… And I guess I'd say [they have] difficulty varying from perceived notions of success and cultural ideas of success, which in American culture, it's money, education.” 
• Do you identify as a tiger mother? “I'm a tiger mom with modifications.  And I think those modifications are loving your kids unconditionally, meeting them where they're at, identifying their strengths and weaknesses and supporting them… [But] you know, it's still very hard to let go of the need to be competitive. You know, I have a very competitive streak in me that was instilled by my dad. And that, even at 56, is really hard to let go of.” 
• What is the connotation of a tiger mother?  “I mean, if you ask what my take on the whole Caucasians/White Americans throwing out this poor, derogatory, “you're a tiger mom”, it sounds like an insult to me. Not a compliment.” 
• While discussing their children, the third generation (those whose grandparents were immigrants to the U.S):  “I was always pushing them to be their best.  If there was extra ice skating practice, [I would] say to Rachel, ‘Hey, honey, there's practice on Sunday, from four to six, should we go? Why don't we see if Linda's got time to do a private lesson with you then.’ I guess [I was] trying to facilitate excellence by making things available for them to do. But early on I think I learned that my two kids were very different kids.” 

(How so?) 

“I realized early on that Alexandra (her eldest) loved to go from ballet to swim lesson to this to that and [with] Rachel, three years younger than Alexandra, I would meet resistance with an overpacked schedule. And my tiger mom mentality was to do what I grew up with. I went from this to this to this. There was no unstructured time… I didn't even know what that was growing up… And so I had Rachel who sort of rebelled against this overscheduling. And let it be known that that wasn't the way she likes to lead her life. And I realized fairly early on that you know what? Less was more with her. Let's just do two things this afternoon, not four. And then everybody was happy. But,  that was challenging for me to step back and say, ‘I have to do what's right for my children, not what's right for me.’  You know, what's right for their temperaments, their personalities.” 

• Do you think that your children were taught leadership potential and strong communication skills by you? “Oh, yes...One of the things I have really strongly encouraged them to always do is be their own best self advocates. I think I have set myself up as a strong leadership model for them. They know they can do anything they can ask for anything. And the worst that can happen is someone might say, ‘Sorry, I can't do that.’ What's the harm? But asking for what you need has always been a big mantra for me.”  

“But I do think there is some truth to the concern you mentioned about communication skills. I think that is something that is downplayed in Asian culture. I don't think that your communication, your ability to make “I statements”, your ability to convey what's really going on for you on an emotional level is something that gets much airplay in tiger parenting… Like my dad never cared that I didn't want to learn times tables at age four or five or six.”  

• What kind of children are you trying to raise? “Fiercely independent young adults that are rising to their full potential and having the success at whatever they want to do, and being able to make those choices. And knowing that they have their parents behind them.” 

Joyce Koh, 47, Korean American 

• How would you describe a tiger mother? “It's someone who is aggressively pushing their children to their far limits for performance.” 

(What kind of performance comes to mind?) 

“Definitely academic. And an extracurricular component that has to do with some sort of instrument or some sort of sport. And I think it ends after the child has gotten into their early decision Ivy League school. It's like being a tiger mom is what goes on that application.”

• Do you identify as a tiger mother? “I don't think I do. But I probably come right up really close to the line. Maybe everyone who's a tiger mom would say that.  But I do try to figure all that stuff out, like all that ‘in the know’ stuff.” 

(What prevents you from fully crossing that line into being a tiger mother?)

 “Not in the interest of my kids.” 

• What is the connotation of a tiger mother? “Tiger moms always seem really stressed out to me, like very, very stressed out.  And a little vicarious…  I think they take a lot of store in the successes and failures of their kids. I think they take it very personally.” 
• While discussing their children, the third generation (those whose grandparents were immigrants to the U.S): “When my kids were little, we would go for a walk but then at the very end we'd sprint the rest of the way home right. And we're almost there dying, you know? Because we're so tired. I'd always say to them, ‘Come on guys, finish strong!’ And I say that knowing that when they get older and they're in college and they're in exams, if I just say to them ‘Finish strong!’ they know.  That invokes everything in the past.”

“I think a large part–maybe like almost 50%– of my parenting is not so much peformance, but time management. Not to manage their time but to teach them how to manage their time. I didn’t pick their extracurriculars for them.” 

• Do you think that your children were taught leadership potential and strong communication skills by you? “One of the things I said to her [her daughter], and we've gone through this a lot in middle school and high school, is [that] sometimes it's better to be a friend than it is to have a friend… You can be a  trustworthy person and trustworthiness is a big leadership trait because if you cannot trust yourself, and if you cannot be trustworthy, then no one is expecting you to lead them.”  

“Communication, I think it's really just that I text my kids a lot. And I also put them all on a Google Calendar. And I tell them that the Google Calendar isn't just a calendar that they're keeping for themselves, but they share it with me and that way I know when you need to get picked up, and then I will also put on the Google Calendar, that mom will be here at this time. And there's also an address there so everybody knows where everybody is.” 

Importance of Research Project:

My research challenges and interrogates the notion of what Amy Chua’s  “tiger mother” looks like and focuses specifically on her assertion of generational decline. From my interviews so far with two American-born Asian mothers (both who described their immigrant parents as demanding and strict), their expectations for their children have not softened. Instead of the laziness that Chua describes, my interviewees spoke about the tenacity they emphasized with their children, namely “finishing strong” and “pushing them to be their best.” They both also reported instilling a sense of leadership qualities within their children, citing being a trustworthy friend and acting as a self-advocate as important qualities. This narrative is especially interesting as it complicates the notion of the “bamboo ceiling” and so-called Asian values of obedience and deference to authority that enable the bamboo ceiling.  In Wesley Yang’s article “What Happens to all the Asian-American Overachievers When the Test-Taking Ends?” he concludes with a rallying cry for people who are not afraid to “... make mistakes, to become entrepreneurs, to stop doggedly pursuing official paper emblems attesting to their worthiness, to stop thinking those scraps of paper will secure anyone’s happiness, and to dare to be interesting” (Yang, 2011). 

An overarching claim I would like to explore further in my research is: why does any  perceived “softening” with each generation of Asian-American families have to be mourned as a loss of cultural values?  If each successive generation begets a higher income bracket and cultural savvy, maybe there are different ways to define high expectations: not so much the late-night drilling of multiplication tables to eventually get into “Harvard, Yale, Princeton or an equivalent” but becoming a leader, a self-advocate, a good friend? Can this be its own form of strictness– and can the tiger mother survive this path? Is there an expiration date on being a tiger mother?

Works Cited

Chua, Amy. Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Bloomsbury, 2011. 

Hyun, Jane. Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling: Career Strategies for Asians: The Essential Guide to Getting in, Moving up, and Reaching the Top. Collins, 2005. 

Yang, Wesley. “What Happens to All the Asian-American Overachievers When the Test-Taking Ends? -- New York Magazine - Nymag.” New York Magazine, New York Magazine, 6 May 2011, https://nymag.com/news/features/asian-americans-2011-5/.