I have recently been reading The Odyssey in anticipation of Christopher Nolan’s soon-to-be-released adaptation. I cannot help but feel compassion for Odysseus, as if he and I are on a similar journey. I constructed a magnificent Trojan horse to deceive Laidlaw into letting me into the program, yet only now is it being revealed that I am not the horse but rather merely a con artist hiding inside. And much like Odysseus, I must now undertake a terrifying but incredibly meaningful journey before I can get back home.
But after all of this self-pity, I remember that my journey is only six weeks long, and most of my challenges will take place in the university library, sipping on a flat white. Nonetheless, the analogy still holds.
Many of my mornings have taken the same narrative arc. I familiarise myself with the work I did yesterday, having now read it so many times that all I see are the smallest mistakes and inconsistencies. Thereafter, it comes time to begin the seemingly endless cycle of researching, writing, tweaking, or deleting. A process I find addictive, but it leads me to investigate my ability to complete this project more so than the research question itself.
What this week of research taught me is that, though I may not be Odysseus, there are innumerable things that his narrative arc and many others can teach me. Notably, research is not a linear process either, but rather entails twice as many moments of irrational doubt as of delusional confidence. However, it is very much worth it. Or maybe I’m just saying that as I am currently in those rare states of delusion.