When I think about where I was at the beginning of this summer compared with where I am now, I realise that the biggest change has not been in what I know, but in how I think.
I started Laidlaw feeling excited about having the opportunity to conduct my own research, but I also felt a lot of pressure to do it well. I wanted my project to be meaningful, ambitious and something I could genuinely be proud of. I think I sometimes put too much pressure on myself to already know what I was doing. Looking back, I realise that one of the most valuable parts of this experience was learning that I did not need to have everything figured out from the beginning.
There were many moments when I questioned myself. I questioned whether I was asking the right questions, whether my interpretation was strong enough and whether the direction of the project was really where I wanted it to go. At first, uncertainty made me uncomfortable. I wanted to solve it immediately. Over time, I became more comfortable sitting with it. I learned to go back to the evidence, ask for help, listen to feedback and give myself permission to change my mind.
That has probably been the biggest personal lesson of this experience.
I have always considered being independent one of my strengths. During this project, I realised that I had sometimes confused independence with feeling that I should be able to figure everything out on my own. My relationship with asking for help has changed. Speaking to my supervisor, listening to other perspectives and receiving feedback did not make the research less mine. It made it better. I became more comfortable saying when I was unsure and more willing to let someone else's perspective challenge my own.
I also became much more aware of my perfectionism. I care deeply about the quality of what I produce, which can be a strength, but it can also make it difficult for me to know when to stop. There were moments when I spent too much time trying to make something perfect when what I really needed was to move forward. Learning to prioritise has therefore been one of the most practical skills I have developed this summer.
The research also changed something deeper in me. I began the project wanting to find answers. I am finishing it much more interested in asking better questions. I have learned that good research does not always give you the certainty you were hoping for. Sometimes it gives you a more complicated picture than the one you started with. I now see that as a strength rather than a failure.
This is where I think the Laidlaw experience has influenced my understanding of leadership most strongly. I used to associate leadership with confidence, initiative and being able to take responsibility. I still believe those things matter, but I now understand leadership as something much more reflective. For me, it means being willing to listen, recognising when I am wrong, taking responsibility for my decisions and creating space for other people to contribute.
I also understand my own values more clearly. Curiosity has been at the centre of this project because I had to keep questioning what I thought I knew. Integrity became important whenever the evidence did not support the conclusion I might have wanted to make. Ambition pushed me to think about what my research could contribute beyond the project itself. These values are not things I want to leave behind when the research period ends. I want them to shape the way I approach future academic work, leadership and opportunities outside university too. The Laidlaw framework encouraged me to think about values, capacities and character together, and I can now see how closely those three areas have been connected throughout my experience.
I have also started thinking differently about what being a change maker means to me. Before Laidlaw, I associated impact quite strongly with achieving something visible. Now I think impact can begin much earlier. It can begin with noticing something that deserves more attention, asking a question that challenges an assumption and being willing to start a conversation that might lead somewhere further.
That is probably what I am most proud of taking away from this experience. I did not just complete a research project. I became more comfortable with the person I am when I am still figuring something out.
Going forward, I want to keep developing the skills that this experience has started to build in me. I want to become a stronger communicator, a more thoughtful collaborator and a more confident researcher. I want to set clearer goals for myself and actually measure whether I am progressing towards them, rather than simply assuming that working hard means I am moving forward. This connects closely with the SMART goal setting approach we explored through Laidlaw, particularly the importance of making goals specific, achievable and measurable.
Most importantly, I want to take the mindset with me.
I want to keep asking questions even when I do not know where they will lead. I want to remain open to being challenged. I want to be ambitious without becoming so attached to an outcome that I stop listening. I want to be confident enough to lead and humble enough to learn.
When I started this journey, I wanted to produce research that mattered.
Now, I want to become someone who can use research to make things matter.