Step 1: Locate a suitable ‘study’ space

A café is the most dangerous of places for anyone looking to have a productive afternoon. Not only will you watch your bank account slowly deplete as social custom provides a lovely excuse to spend ten minutes surveying the choice of coffee and cake, but also the subsequent fifteen minutes spent battling with the Wi-Fi is not to be overlooked. Even worse, you just happen to bump into a friend, something that is all too common in a small town like St Andrews. Obviously, this coincidence was not pre-arranged on the group chat…

Its graduation week and all the cafes are full? Fear not! A library also provides a great procrastination space, although if you are in a silent area, ensure not to forget your phone for a doomscroll when the readings been going on just a little too long.

Step 2: Acquire your preferred beverage

For me, this will always be a coffee; there’s something about a caffeinated brain that is just superior to the alternative. And, who knows, maybe the link I’m missing will reveal itself in the grinds. As a student, we get many a discount in the coffee shops and I can proudly announce I did not miss a single Starbucks Two Pound Tuesday! I promise, it doesn’t count if it’s a good deal! Additionally, the trip to go purchase said coffee is a wonderful activity when the research has gotten a little tough.

Step 3: Find a study buddy

This step is DEFINITELY the most important. Even when you’re sat in the silent library and can’t talk, just knowing someone is sat beside you in unproductive solidarity is key to a successful procrastination session.

Step 4: Plan your weekend activities

The classic tactic. I tend to find that as long as the laptop is open, it counts as working, even if I’m on Forth Boat Tours website instead of mathscinet. Realistically, admin is just as productive as research; I think my need for a weekend trip to a fishing village is just as great as the academic world’s need for knowledge. Right?

Whether it’s a potluck with fellow scholars, the classic but hard to beat pub trip or travelling further afield and making friends with some Canadian deer, the highlight of the working day is what you get up to when its finished!

BONUS STEP: Go on holiday

This one’s for the experienced procrastinators. Fortunately, the fun doesn’t stop when the six-week research period ends. Now, just under three weeks out from the deadline, I add the finishing touches to my report from the beach in Cornwall and, in a fantastic display of the skills I’ve developed, managed to spend the morning I’d set aside for writing in an open air swimming pool.

Although I’ve thoroughly enjoyed compiling my guide to procrastination, my actual point lies more in the title of this blog post. It’s supposed to be ‘No rest for the wicked’, so why do I feel so guilty when I take time off? It’s a question that I pondered throughout the research period and has stayed with me the rest of the summer. In my head, I spent six weeks following this guide to the letter, and yet I seem to have produced a (much longer than expected) essay that I’m reasonably proud of. In reality, I have to admit that I actually have done quite a bit of work, but my own unrealistic expectations cause me to focus on the ten minutes I lost rather than the three hours I focused for. In hindsight, those three hours usually came after that short break… maybe resting isn’t quite as wicked as I thought it was.