It has now been 4 weeks since I have completed my LIA. Distancing myself from Vancouver has helped me reflect on my time there with more clarity. The whole experience feels so big and I have enjoyed picking it apart- dissecting and analysing each of its parts through different angles.

My experience working an office job:

I have had many, many, many, many jobs throughout my life- including (but not limited to) as a waitress, a retail assistant, a yoga instructor, a choreographer, a farmer, a dance instructor, a camp counsellor, a fundraiser, a cleaner, and a construction worker. This was my first experience working in a setting which requires some sort of university qualification.

It was in many ways, the easiest job I have ever had and there is a LOT of privilege in it.

Firstly, I was not physically exhausted at the end of the day- which is nice in itself, but also meant that I had energy to enjoy my evenings. Sometimes Tilly and I would go explore the city, other times I would go to dance class, and sometimes we would just cook dinner and chat. I feel so lucky that I had all of those after work experiences which I could never have imagined myself having if I were working any other of my past jobs which left me feeling so exhausted I would collapse in my bed as soon as I got home.

Moreover, this job left me feeling a lot less mentally drained than my others. I think a big part of that comes from the fact that I felt respected by the research team. Within the service industry, you learn that “the customer is always right”. Consequently, you end up placing yourself beneath those you interact with which can really take a toll on your self-esteem after a while. Even outside of the service industry, the lack of a qualification means you are easily dismissed as others feel just as (or even more) capable as you at completing your tasks. On the other hand, within the research team, I felt listened to. My opinion mattered because they trusted that I had some insight or knowledge which could be useful- regardless whether they agreed with me or not. Having a workplace culture based on equality and respect rather than an unrequited relationship (unsurprisingly) felt nice.

The other major reason I felt less mentally drained is because I was free to be myself. In the service industry, you are expected to constantly be in a good mood. Customers are paying for a pleasurable experience- which usually includes extraverted, smiley staff. Even outside of the service industry, the hierarchy created by a lack of certification always made me feel indebted to my boss. I often felt like I needed to compensate for the fact that theoretically, anyone could have been hired to fill my position. This essentially doubles your workload: you are executing the usual tasks whilst putting on a performance, by acting in a way you cannot always feel. On the other hand, within the research team, if I felt a little more tired or quiet than usual, it did not in any way get in the way of my work. Not being expected to act a certain way within the workplace took a massive pressure off and made the whole experience so much easier.

I would like to point out that whilst I do believe these reflections are somewhat true for all office jobs- especially relative to the service industry, I acknowledge that I was especially lucky in that my research team’s culture made these differences particularly pronounced. For instance, I am not sure whether an undergraduate student would have been treated with as much respect as I was by colleagues elsewhere. Moreover, I may not have felt as comfortable to be more quiet on certain days had I not been in such an accommodating and kind team. In these ways, I am extra grateful to the whole research team for making my experience so lovely.

Although part of me was quite excited to discover just how much easier (and better payed) the jobs ahead of me are, another part of me felt quite guilty. I couldn’t help but think of my mother and my friends from home who were not able to go to university and are therefore stuck working much harder and longer hours. This summer made me so much more conscious of the privilege my education has afforded me.

My experience working specifically within the genetic counselling research team:

My project revolved around creating a tool to help people make more informed and values based decisions regarding polygenic score testing. I absolutely loved the project. It combined genetics and mental health- my two favourite subjects in the Human Sciences.

Apart from my love for the actual content, there were two main aspects I that loved.

First, I was confident of the project’s real world application. Not only did I recognise a need for the tool but the team had concrete plans to ensure its widespread availability upon completion. This was extremely important to keep me motivated on the project. I despise sitting down for long periods of time so if I feel like the work I am doing has no relevance, I simply will not do it (much to the disappointment of my tutors). On the other hand, if I believe it is important, I will completely immerse myself in the project- which is one of my favourite feelings in the world. I loved combining what I already knew (which was surprisingly more than I thought) with additional research papers and then debating each and every detail with our supervisors to make sure the final product was as good as it could and needed to be. The project being in line with my own personal values was extremely important in keeping me highly motivated.

Second, I was given a lot of freedom with the project. Apart from some slight supervision when requested, Tilly and I were completely in charge of creating this tool- which I believe made us so much more productive. Part of it was simply having fewer people involved, which meant less back-and-forth debate and faster progress. But the biggest factor was that Tilly and I just work incredibly well together. We could brainstorm freely, without ever feeling judged for saying something stupid. Moreover, we are incredibly complimentary. I would dump some rough ideas onto our shared document and Tilly would refine the wording and iron out the details. During work hours, we limited all communication to telepathy- something I have not quite yet perfected with anyone else, but proved extremely effective. Having so much freedom let us move faster, while the responsibility that came with it kept us accountable for its quality.

Although I was passionate about the project, I still felt restless at work. It was a great fit for six weeks, but the experience confirmed that I'm happiest when I'm on my feet. Even at Oxford, I've gravitated toward more active roles, often organising and facilitating events. I love talking to people and helping merge all of their work and different visions. Sitting at a desk all day, I missed that hands-on involvement. This is something which has heavily informed the future degrees and jobs I am looking at.

My experience in Canada:

I have been listening to my Canada playlist as I have been writing this reflection. It is called “not dead yet” and I think that is the most perfect way to summarise my experience in Canada.

Tilly and I spent most of our time outside. Mountaineering, swimming, surfing, hiking and camping are all reminders that I am in fact “not dead yet”. All of your senses are engaged and you have no choice but to be completely in the present. I felt so grateful for my body and everything that it lets me do. Being outside and exploring as much as possible reminded me of my favourite poem by Kalen Breland:

“I hope I don't age gracefully. I hope I have eye wrinkles and cheek wrinkles from smiling and laughing too much. I hope I have sunspots from spending too much time outside. Every pain in my knees will be evidence that I kept exploring the world. I hope my legs are covered in scars from crawling through bushes and up cliffsides... I hope when I'm old I look weathered and joyful and full of knowledge and experience."

It was such a beautiful reminder of how simple everything can be. It takes so much pressure off knowing that, no matter what happens in my life, as long as I can live by the waves or a mountain, I don't think I could be much happier or more grateful.