It is honestly hard to pinpoint when exactly the midpoint of my Leadership Project, as I do not have an end date in sight. The start has been more of a gradual increase in responsibility, despite the start date listed with the Laidlaw team, and I'm not sure when, or how, I will define an end.
The start of my project has moved through defining a topic for workshops, to planning and pitching ideas to the team at abcd (the Association of British Choral Directors), to refining and now knuckling down into the hard graft planning workshops and associated content. I feel like I spend all day sending and receiving emails - since COVID I never thought I'd see the day where I was excited again to receive a teams invite, but honestly this experience so far has truly taught me the value of getting in the same room (even virtually) and talking, something an email never replicates. Emails, often not picked up or missed in overstuffed inboxes, are frustrating me more by the day.
Yet, the emails are still thrilling, in their own way - emailing people I've admired for years, and discussing ideas and workshop plans with them, working with them to develop a series of workshops which will truly be valuable to directors from a huge range of sectors, is such a valuable experience. Particularly working with other disabled people, and disabled professionals, has been hugely personally inspiring. It can feel in music like nobody is disabled. The "hustle culture" and feeling that you must be always on, always ready to take opportunities and never needing anything from anyone else, are being so thoroughly deconstructed through both my professional experiences in this space, and my conversations with others working here. A beautiful conversation I had the other day, in the middle of an unrelated teams call about the workshops, about low blood sugar brain fog which led to a collective decision to take a break and move around, get ourselves back in a work frame of mind, was a wonderful moment to recognise that disability is normal, and advocating for my (and others) needs is good, rather than damaging to my career.
I can't wait to drill down further into more detail on each workshop, I just get so excited thinking about each one and its specifics. I've never been more certain that disability (and music) are my career calling. I will spend my life in this wonderful space. Despite the frustration (and burgeoning dislike of email), I am genuinely thrilled to keep working on this project. I can't wait to finally work out the date of the first few workshops, and for it to all get fully started on a practical side!